STOP TALKING!!!

You know who sometimes you're watching a tv show or a movie, or it could even be a real conversation, and it's so completely awkward that you are absolutely mortified on behalf of the person who will not STFU even though they continue to embarrass themselves with every word that comes of their mouth???

Here's the thing, I like to watch (or more accurately "listen to) Good Morning America in the mornings while I get ready for work. 

Which means when I get home in the evenings and turn on the tv, it's already set to ABC. 

Usually this is fine with me.  I mean it's not like I have must see tv nights.  And if I'm home early enough, I might catch the tail end of Jeopardy. 

I'll turn the tv on, then head into the kitchen to forage for dinner, whilst pitting my knowledge of random facts against that of the contestants and crowing about how much money I would have won had I been on Jeopardy that night.  And after Jeopardy, I sit down to eat whatever I've managed to scavenge from the fridge and watch whatever happens to come on ABC after Jeopardy.

But Mondays are a different story.  I always seem to forget what airs on ABC at 8pm on Monday nights. 

Which means I always manage to lose a few brain cells listening to the complete and total inanity that is The Bachelor.

NNNNOOOOOOoooooooo.

Even the few seconds to which I'm subjected as I scramble for the remote is enough to drop my IQ by a few points.

And last night was no exception. 

As I was standing in the kitchen, picking apart a rotisserie chicken, I was assaulted by the heartfelt professions of love from one of the contestants. 

As I rushed to wash my hands free of chicken ick, so I could swipe up the remote and switch over to Diners, Drive-ins & Dives, I listened to her go on and on and on about how much she loves him, and how she never knew what real love was before she met him.

OMG I thought I was going to hurl.

I was so embarrassed for her. It was physically painful to hear.

It was just beyond pathetic.  And I was attempting to use mental telepathy to get her to stop talking, omg please stop talking.  But she just kept going.

And then she said it.  In her deluded mind, she and this dog who's been playing fast and loose with 20 women for weeks are "so in love," she just knows they're going to be together forever.

That's when I stopped feeling mortified on her behalf and started getting angry.  Like Intervention angry.

I just want to pull her aside and say "Molly?  You in danger girl!"

I was beyond gently sitting her down and explaining that she might want to dial it back a notch before she passed over into Alex Forrest, I WILL NOT BE IGNORED DAN territory.

No.  I had passed into a sharp smack across the face and "SNAP OUT OF IT" mode.

Girl, you are making a fool of yourself on national television.  Have some GD self-respect for the love of little black dresses and stilettos.  That man does not love you.  You are a member of his harem.  If he loved you, you would be his one and only, not his one of many.

Maybe I have a little too much pride, but I just don't understand waiting around for a man to eeny, meanie, miney mo and hoping that I'm the one he chooses. 

Moral of the story: I really need to learn to immediately turn on the Cooking Channel as soon as I get home on Monday evenings.