After I got my new prescription from the non-stalker optometrist, it was imperative that I order new glasses as soon as possible.
Because eye health is important...
So I made arrangements to go to Costco with Mom the next day. If you've never gotten glasses at Costco before, it's a game changer. They are soooo much cheaper than other places. And if you require corrective lenses, you know that's shit's expensive.
Not to mention they always have cute frames.
So the next day, Mom and I headed to Costco, where I attacked the frames display like a cheetah on a lame gazelle.
I was on a mission.
I methodically made my way through the rows of frames. Trying on and discarding, like the Goldilocks of big box stores.
Too round. Too boxy. Too narrow.
I put them on. Examined from all angles. Shook my head. Dropped my head down to judge fit on nose and behind ears. Shook my head again.
This is a process people.
I put back all the nos. Gathered up all the maybes (eight, at that point), clutching in my hot little hand, lest one of the other shoppers think I was finished with them.
And settled in front of a mirror to get down to business.
The maybes were tried on, examined, put through the shake test again, and placed into either the definitely not pile or the whittled down maybe pile.
Progress was hampered, as I put away the second round of discards and discovered new frames... Oh, these are cute! How did I miss those?!
Instead of getting smaller, the maybe pile was growing. The natives (Mom) were getting restless.
A pair of black Bulova frames were my front runner. Cute. A rectangular lense that I prefer with my face shape. But they didn't sit well on the bridge of my nose.
Also in the maybe pile were a pair of black Coach frames. They fit well. They looked good. They sat so well on my nose, I knew they weren't going anywhere. The cons? They were Coach, so they were $50 more than the Bulova frames.
And they had a little silver heart on the ear piece.
I effing hate decorative accents. Hearts especially. This girl does not do cutesy. Is it too much to ask for a pair of basic glasses without unnecessary bling???
The Bulova frames didn't have any of that crap on them. But they also weren't even close to passing the shake test.
I eventually narrowed the field down to these two contenders...
And debated the pros and cons of each pair with Mom. And by debate I mean, I complained about the Coach frames because I knew they were the better choice, but I was bitter about paying $50 more just because of the name on them.
Mom: Rachel, I will buy you the glasses if you just make a decision.
That's when I pulled out my phone.
Mom: What are you doing???
Me: I'm taking my picture in each pair, so I can see what they look like.
Mom: You've just spent almost an hour staring at yourself in the mirror!
Me: But they look different in a picture. And these mirrors are crap.
Duh. Everyone knows that.
And pictures don't lie, folks. The Coach frames were the clear winner. Even though they still had tacky silver hearts on the ear pieces.
As I glumly admitted defeat and returned the Bulova frames to the display, I spied the same Coach frames in purple and SCORE!!! without the tacky hearts!
They had silver flowers instead. But they were artsy silver flowers, so they're totally funky and not at all cutesy.
After pondering the merits of various frames for almost an hour, it took me 0.2 seconds to grab my purple frames from the rack and declare to the saleswoman that these were the glasses.
And all was right with the world.